🚀 Junior Entry-Level Intern Full-Stack AI Blockchain Quantum DevOps Engineer (0+ Years Experience) 🚀
Are you a passionate, highly motivated, sleep-deprived, and borderline superhuman individual looking to join a fast-paced, toxic, yet “fun” startup environment? Do you thrive under unrealistic deadlines, love being micromanaged, and dream of working 100-hour weeks for "equity" that may or may not exist? Then WE WANT YOU!
- 15+ years of experience in AI, ML, DevOps, Cloud, Cybersecurity, and Blockchain, even if you were born after 2010.
- PhD in Quantum Computing, Theoretical Physics, and Applied Astrology preferred.
- Must be a 10x engineer (or 100x, if possible).
- Fluent in Python, JavaScript, TypeScript, Rust, Go, Swift, C, C++, C#, Assembly, Brainfuck, COBOL, and whatever new language Elon Musk just invented yesterday.
- Extensive experience with HTML6, CSS9, and JavaScript ES100 (we like to stay ahead of the industry).
- Proven expertise in React, Vue, Angular, Svelte, Solid, Alpine, Ember, Backbone, Preact, and jQuery (because why not).
- Must have personally contributed to the Linux kernel, built a compiler from scratch, and written a distributed system in Assembly.
- Experience with AWS, Azure, Google Cloud, Oracle Cloud, IBM Cloud, and your own private cloud hosted in your garage.
- Strong grasp of CI/CD pipelines, Kubernetes, Docker, Terraform, Ansible, Puppet, Chef, and an actual chef (we expect you to cook for the team).
- Can write SQL queries so optimized they make PostgreSQL cry tears of joy.
- Master of AI/ML: TensorFlow, PyTorch, OpenAI API, scikit-learn, and personally trained a sentient AI model that has passed the Turing test.
- Deep understanding of crypto, DeFi, smart contracts, NFTs, and how to lose money on the blockchain.
- Must have contributed to at least 100 open-source projects (bonus points if you created Linux).
- Fluent in Assembly for every CPU architecture, including those that don’t exist yet.
- Capable of debugging minified JavaScript in real-time while blindfolded.
- Must be fluent in Morse code, Latin, and ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs for legacy system support.
- Ability to reverse engineer the human brain and optimize cognitive processes for maximum efficiency.
- Design, develop, deploy, maintain, debug, market, sell, and support our entire product single-handedly.
- Write 100,000+ lines of bug-free code daily, including full test coverage with 0% flakiness.
- Mentor yourself, as we do not provide training or support.
- Be available 24/7 with a 0.1-second response time on Slack, Discord, email, fax, and smoke signals.
- Attend 8-hour daily standups to discuss why you’re not working fast enough.
- Write 600-page documentation for every line of code you write.
- Translate code into 7 different languages, including Klingon and Dothraki.
- Handle frontend, backend, security, infrastructure, DevOps, QA, HR, finance, legal, janitorial work, and coffee brewing.
- Salary: Unpaid (but you’ll get “invaluable experience” and exposure!).
- Equity: 0.0000001% of the company, vesting over 40 years.
- Vacation: Yes! You can take 5 minutes off every Leap Year.
- Health Benefits: The company provides a complimentary Band-Aid if you get injured at your desk.
- Snacks: You can eat the crumbs left by the CEO.
- Work-Life Balance: Work is your life now.
- Career Growth: You can grow into Senior Entry-Level Intern Full-Stack AI Blockchain Quantum DevOps Engineer in just 15 years!
- Send us your entire GitHub, LinkedIn, Stack Overflow, Medium blog, personal diary, childhood photos, and FBI background check.
- Complete a 72-hour coding challenge where you must build a fully functional AI-powered social network from scratch.
- Survive our 18-round interview process, including live coding, system design, logic puzzles, physical endurance tests, and a gladiator match.
We look forward to rejecting you because no one is ever truly qualified for this job!🚀 Junior Entry-Level Intern Full-Stack AI Blockchain Quantum DevOps Engineer (0+ Years Experience) 🚀