garbagelimo · April 5, 2018 17:49
diff --git a/pickups.txt b/pickups.txt


 The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

   When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
 people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them
 with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate
 and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God
 entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that
 they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

   We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created
 equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
 rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of
 happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted
 among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed;
 that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends,
 it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to
 institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and
 organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely
 to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate
 that governments long established should not be changed for light and
 transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that
 mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to
 right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
 But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably
 the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute
 despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such
 government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such
 has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the
 necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of
 government.  The history of the present King of Great Britain is a
 history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct
 object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To
 prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

   He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary
 for the public good.

   He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and
 pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his
 assent should be obtained; and, when so suspended, he has utterly
 neglected to attend to them.

   He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large
 districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of
 representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them, and
 formidable to tyrants only.

   He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual
 uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public
 records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with
 his measures.

   He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing,
 with manly firmness, his invasions on the rights of the people.

   He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause
 others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of
 annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise;
 the state remaining, in the mean time, exposed to all the dangers of
 invasions from without and convulsions within.

   He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for
 that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners;
 refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and
 raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

  He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his
 assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

  He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of
 their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

  He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of
 officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

  He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies, without the
 consent of our legislatures.

  He has affected to render the military independent of, and superior
 to, the civil power.

  He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign
 to our Constitution and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent
 to their acts of pretended legislation:

   For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us;

   For protecting them, by a mock trial, from punishment for any murders 
      which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states;
   For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world;
   For imposing taxes on us without our consent;
   For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury;
   For transporting us beyond seas, to be tried for pretended offenses;
   For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, 
     establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging 
     its boundaries, so as to render it at once an example and fit 
     instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these colonies;
   For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, 
     and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments;
   For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested 
     with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

  He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his
  protection and waging war against us.

  He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and
 destroyed the lives of our people.

  He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries
 to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny already begun
 with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the
 most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized
 nation.

  He has constrained our fellow-citizens, taken captive on the high
 seas, to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners
 of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

  He has excited domestic insurrection among us, and has endeavored to
 bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers the merciless Indian savages,
 whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all
 ages, sexes, and conditions.

  In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in
 the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only
 by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every
 act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free
 people.

   Nor have we been wanting in our attentions to our British brethren.
 We have warned them, from time to time, of attempts by their
 legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have
 reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement
 here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity; and we
 have conjured them, by the ties of our common kindred, to disavow these
 usurpations which would inevitably interrupt our connections and
 correspondence. They too, have been deaf to the voice of justice and of
 consanguinity.  We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which
 denounces our separation, and hold them as we hold the rest of mankind,
 enemies in war, in peace friends.

  We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America,
 in General Congress assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the
 world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the
 authority of the good people of these colonies solemnly publish and
 declare, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, FREE
 AND INDEPENDENT STATES; that they are absolved from all allegiance to
 the British crown and that all political connection between them and
 the state of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and
 that, as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war,
 conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all
 other acts and things which independent states may of right do.  And
 for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the
 protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our
 lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.




 That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...

 Do you want to see something swell?

 Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

 Drop 'em.

 What do you like for breakfast?

 Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?

 Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

 Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you
 or nudge you?

 Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?

 Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
 She:  Uh...no....
 Irish: Well, do you want some?

 Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate
 and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

 Say, didn't we go to different schools together?

 Wanna f**k like bunnies?

 Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
 the first thing that pops up?

 I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:
        Smile if you want to sleep with me
 then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

 Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?

 Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us



 You smell wet.  Let's Party.

 Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

 Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

 Would you like to dance, or should I go f**k myself again?

 Hey baby, let's go make some babies.

 At the office copy machine:
  Reproducing eh?  Can I help?

 Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?



 Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

 You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel

 Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

 I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!

 Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say:
        Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?

 I require a tissue sample.  May i sever a little-used portion of your body?
 (brandish forceps)

 Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation?
 (Think about it...)

 Hey baby...infect me!

 Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?

 Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?

 Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

 Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?

 Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.
 When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough
 you would c*m."

 Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k?
        What's the matter, don't like pizza?

 I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...
 Let's meet sometime...

 I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.



 She (to passing man):  Excuse me, do you have the time?
 He: Do you have the energy?

 What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?

 Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!!

 "Say mother!  Want another?" (if she has children)

 Suck my dick or I'll blow your f**king head off.  [requires a gun]

 No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

 Will you marry me and have my children?  [unfortunate side-effects: beware!]

 If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.

 You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert?  Alone?

 I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing
 in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub.
 Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.

 Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

 Bond. James Bond.

 Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

 It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't *give* it away.

 Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but rest
 assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible
 to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time.

 Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me
 to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.

 You know, I'd really love to f**k your brains out, but it appears someone
 beat me to it.

 Excuse me, do you live around here often?

 Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab
 home together?

 Would you like to see a baby picture of me?
 (Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)

 Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow?

 You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book...
 So what's one more??

 Hey babe -- did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?

 Your place, or mine?

 What's your sign?

 Nice shoes.  Wanna f**k?

 Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

 Excuse me, do you wanna spoon or should I apologize?

 You have the ass of a great artist.

 FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:
 1: MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE IN THE FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO YOU'RE TRYING
   TO ATTRACT.
 2: PUT YOUR HANDS IN A VERTICAL PLANE AND SEPERATE YOUR HANDS TO THE PROPER
   DISTANCE YOU WANT TO GET ACROSS
 3: LOOK AT THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS AND WITH A SHIT EATING-EAR TO
   EAR GRIN SHAKE YOUR HEAD UP AND DOWN AS TO REPLY THAT YOU'RE THIS
   BIG!

 There's the old classic from the movie Fletch:
 (to girl in towel):  Excuse me, could I borrow your towel? My car just
                        hit a water buffalo.

 Your face or Mine??

 Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
 Him: I like nothing better.

 The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked up to
 a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home now?".  They left
 together.

 Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

 That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?

 If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?

 When asked for a match:
        How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?

 Take off that dress and f**k my brains out you cave newt.

 Nice tits.  Mind if I feel them?

 I love you.  I want to marry you.  Now f**k my brains out.

 Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.

 Let's take a shower together --you smell.

 I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade

 Kiss me you fool, f**k me you harlot.

 I've got an itch, honey.  Lower. lower. in. out.

 If I was Elvis, would you screw me?

 I want to thank you for [insert any event here], Grab your ankles bitch!

 Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess
 your weight.

 If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.

 Want to see my stamp collection?

 Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
 floppy.

 I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

 I'm on fire.  Can I run through your sprinkler?

 I'd look good on you.

 Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?!  I thought you
 knew...

 At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say,
        "Wanna roll?"

 Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?

 I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.

 Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?"  (sure to get responses)

 Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.

 Cold out isn't it?  (staring at breasts)

 Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....

 "Actually, Ma'am, Ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus, and Ah'm
 sittin' on mah wallet."

 Hey!  Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

 I would kill or die to make love to you.

 I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.

 I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your
 measurements?

 I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.

 Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
 10. "I'm down here"
  9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
  8. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
  7. "I can get you off the naughty list"
  6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
  5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
  4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over
      at Keebler"
  3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
  2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
  1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
                -- Late Night with David Letterman, from Michael Wertheim

 Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement.  eg.  after
 "accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. say
        "If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"

 Sex is a killer ... so die happy!

 I love every bone in your body - especially mine

 "Hey... somebody farted.  Let's get out of here."

 "Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?"

 The most common pick-up line used in a gay bar:
        "May I push in your stool?"

 I have only three months to live (heard it in a movie ...
 of course, this was all before AIDS)

 Chicks dig me;  I wear colored underwear.

 Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?

 I'm a copilot for American Airlines.

 Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

 That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

 Nice shoes, wanna screw?

 Want to go get a pizza and then screw?

 Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?
 Hi! Can I buy you a Car?

 NOW, B*TCH!

 Fancy a f**k?

 My face is leaving in 15 minutes.  Be on it.


 Lines by women:



 He:  "What was that?"
 She:  "What was what?"
 He:  "That sound."
 She:  "I didn't hear anything."
 He:  "It was the sound of my heart breaking."


 There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure:

        Q: Wha'dya say to a little f**k?
        A: Go away, little f**k.


 How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?

    Man:  So what do you do for a living?
    Woman:  Female impersonator.



 You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.....


	The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

	When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
	people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them
	with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate
	and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God
	entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that
	they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

	We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created
	equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
	rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of
	happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted
	among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed;
	that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends,
	it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to
	institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and
	organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely
	to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate
	that governments long established should not be changed for light and
	transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that
	mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to
	right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
	But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably
	the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute
	despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such
	government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such
	has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the
	necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of
	government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a
	history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct
	object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To
	prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

	He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary
	for the public good.

	He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and
	pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his
	assent should be obtained; and, when so suspended, he has utterly
	neglected to attend to them.

	He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large
	districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of
	representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them, and
	formidable to tyrants only.

	He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual
	uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public
	records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with
	his measures.

	He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing,
	with manly firmness, his invasions on the rights of the people.

	He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause
	others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of
	annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise;
	the state remaining, in the mean time, exposed to all the dangers of
	invasions from without and convulsions within.

	He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for
	that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners;
	refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and
	raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

	He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his
	assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

	He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of
	their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

	He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of
	officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

	He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies, without the
	consent of our legislatures.

	He has affected to render the military independent of, and superior
	to, the civil power.

	He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign
	to our Constitution and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent
	to their acts of pretended legislation:

	For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us;

	For protecting them, by a mock trial, from punishment for any murders
	which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states;
	For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world;
	For imposing taxes on us without our consent;
	For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury;
	For transporting us beyond seas, to be tried for pretended offenses;
	For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province,
	establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging
	its boundaries, so as to render it at once an example and fit
	instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these colonies;
	For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws,
	and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments;
	For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested
	with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

	He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his
	protection and waging war against us.

	He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and
	destroyed the lives of our people.

	He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries
	to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny already begun
	with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the
	most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized
	nation.

	He has constrained our fellow-citizens, taken captive on the high
	seas, to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners
	of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

	He has excited domestic insurrection among us, and has endeavored to
	bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers the merciless Indian savages,
	whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all
	ages, sexes, and conditions.

	In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in
	the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only
	by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every
	act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free
	people.

	Nor have we been wanting in our attentions to our British brethren.
	We have warned them, from time to time, of attempts by their
	legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have
	reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement
	here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity; and we
	have conjured them, by the ties of our common kindred, to disavow these
	usurpations which would inevitably interrupt our connections and
	correspondence. They too, have been deaf to the voice of justice and of
	consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which
	denounces our separation, and hold them as we hold the rest of mankind,
	enemies in war, in peace friends.

	We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America,
	in General Congress assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the
	world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the
	authority of the good people of these colonies solemnly publish and
	declare, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, FREE
	AND INDEPENDENT STATES; that they are absolved from all allegiance to
	the British crown and that all political connection between them and
	the state of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and
	that, as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war,
	conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all
	other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And
	for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the
	protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our
	lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.




	That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...

	Do you want to see something swell?

	Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

	Drop 'em.

	What do you like for breakfast?

	Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?

	Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

	Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you
	or nudge you?

	Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?

	Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
	She: Uh...no....
	Irish: Well, do you want some?

	Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate
	and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

	Say, didn't we go to different schools together?

	Wanna f**k like bunnies?

	Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
	the first thing that pops up?

	I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:
	Smile if you want to sleep with me
	then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

	Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?

	Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us



	You smell wet. Let's Party.

	Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

	Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

	Would you like to dance, or should I go f**k myself again?

	Hey baby, let's go make some babies.

	At the office copy machine:
	Reproducing eh? Can I help?

	Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?



	Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

	You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel

	Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

	I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!

	Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say:
	Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?

	I require a tissue sample. May i sever a little-used portion of your body?
	(brandish forceps)

	Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation?
	(Think about it...)

	Hey baby...infect me!

	Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?

	Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?

	Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

	Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?

	Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.
	When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough
	you would c*m."

	Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k?
	What's the matter, don't like pizza?

	I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...
	Let's meet sometime...

	I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.



	She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
	He: Do you have the energy?

	What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?

	Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!!

	"Say mother! Want another?" (if she has children)

	Suck my dick or I'll blow your f**king head off. [requires a gun]

	No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

	Will you marry me and have my children? [unfortunate side-effects: beware!]

	If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.

	You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert? Alone?

	I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing
	in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub.
	Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.

	Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

	Bond. James Bond.

	Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

	It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't give it away.

	Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but rest
	assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible
	to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time.

	Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me
	to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.

	You know, I'd really love to f**k your brains out, but it appears someone
	beat me to it.

	Excuse me, do you live around here often?

	Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab
	home together?

	Would you like to see a baby picture of me?
	(Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)

	Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow?

	You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book...
	So what's one more??

	Hey babe -- did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?

	Your place, or mine?

	What's your sign?

	Nice shoes. Wanna f**k?

	Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

	Excuse me, do you wanna spoon or should I apologize?

	You have the ass of a great artist.

	FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:
	1: MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE IN THE FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO YOU'RE TRYING
	TO ATTRACT.
	2: PUT YOUR HANDS IN A VERTICAL PLANE AND SEPERATE YOUR HANDS TO THE PROPER
	DISTANCE YOU WANT TO GET ACROSS
	3: LOOK AT THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS AND WITH A SHIT EATING-EAR TO
	EAR GRIN SHAKE YOUR HEAD UP AND DOWN AS TO REPLY THAT YOU'RE THIS
	BIG!

	There's the old classic from the movie Fletch:
	(to girl in towel): Excuse me, could I borrow your towel? My car just
	hit a water buffalo.

	Your face or Mine??

	Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
	Him: I like nothing better.

	The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked up to
	a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home now?". They left
	together.

	Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

	That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?

	If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?

	When asked for a match:
	How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?

	Take off that dress and f**k my brains out you cave newt.

	Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?

	I love you. I want to marry you. Now f**k my brains out.

	Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

	Let's take a shower together --you smell.

	I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade

	Kiss me you fool, f**k me you harlot.

	I've got an itch, honey. Lower. lower. in. out.

	If I was Elvis, would you screw me?

	I want to thank you for [insert any event here], Grab your ankles bitch!

	Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess
	your weight.

	If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.

	Want to see my stamp collection?

	Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
	floppy.

	I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

	I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

	I'd look good on you.

	Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you
	knew...

	At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say,
	"Wanna roll?"

	Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?

	I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.

	Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?" (sure to get responses)

	Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.

	Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)

	Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....

	"Actually, Ma'am, Ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus, and Ah'm
	sittin' on mah wallet."

	Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

	I would kill or die to make love to you.

	I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.

	I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your
	measurements?

	I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.

	Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
	10. "I'm down here"
	9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
	8. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
	7. "I can get you off the naughty list"
	6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
	5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
	4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over
	at Keebler"
	3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
	2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
	1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
	-- Late Night with David Letterman, from Michael Wertheim

	Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement. eg. after
	"accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. say
	"If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"

	Sex is a killer ... so die happy!

	I love every bone in your body - especially mine

	"Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here."

	"Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?"

	The most common pick-up line used in a gay bar:
	"May I push in your stool?"

	I have only three months to live (heard it in a movie ...
	of course, this was all before AIDS)

	Chicks dig me; I wear colored underwear.

	Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?

	I'm a copilot for American Airlines.

	Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

	That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

	Nice shoes, wanna screw?

	Want to go get a pizza and then screw?

	Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?
	Hi! Can I buy you a Car?

	NOW, B*TCH!

	Fancy a f**k?

	My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.


	Lines by women:



	He: "What was that?"
	She: "What was what?"
	He: "That sound."
	She: "I didn't hear anything."
	He: "It was the sound of my heart breaking."


	There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure:

	Q: Wha'dya say to a little f**k?
	A: Go away, little f**k.


	How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?

	Man: So what do you do for a living?
	Woman: Female impersonator.



	You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.....
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