Have you ever failed to reach a goal you set? well most likely you have. We are humans after all and failure is built in our existence. However, we are also different in the way that we deal with such failure, regardless of that difference, I believe most of us have what I call the mean voice in our head, or have had it. I have it, from time to time, it comes up to remind me of my failures, to tell me what I could have done better. If you have such a voice in your head, I think it is a good thing, to some extent. That mean voice could be inner moral or ethical guidance that helps you make positive and righteous decisions, it could also be the result of a toxic relationship you have with yourself. Whether that is a good thing or not is yours to decide. In this post I want to talk about how I feel about that mean voice, and how I have learned to bargain with it so that we can both live together in the same body without harming each other.

I like the mean voice, as somebody who doesn't see myself as fully accomplished yet, I strive for what it has to tell me. January is nearing it's end, and this morning the mean voice came to me, it reminded me that I failed to reach some of the goals I set for this month, it said that if I didn't do it this month I wouldn't be able to do it the next, and that I'd rather quit. I failed to reach some goals I set for this month, that is a fact, I didn't even get close, but, I did not fail all of them, see this month I wanted to increase the amount of time I spend working out and also read more books, I failed the first one as I worked out even less, but I have read more recently than I have in a long time. But the mean voice doesn't care about that. It is mean after all.

I have been dealing with this voice for some time now, ever since I realized that I can be a better person that I am and decided to work on becoming that better person, it appeared out of nowhere. In my opinion, the mean voice is made out of conflict with yourself. When you have the mean voice in your head, then it means you are not fine with who you are or where you are in your life. You can compare it to remorse, that feeling you get when you did something that goes against your values, it creates a conflict in you, you feel almost like you don't want to be the person that did what you did. This is what creates the mean voice, having two wills inside a single body, battling it out for control.

As nobody stays the same all their life mentally or physically, it is very likely that at some point in your life you will decide to change the way you are. Now you can decide to change for the worse or the better, in my case I am talking about when you decide to "unfuck" your life, to become a better person. The day you make the decision, a mean voice is born in your head, and it's cruelty and loudness relates with how far you are from the place you want to go. The further you are, the meaner and louder the voice will be. If you don't fight it, eventually it will win you over, and you will be stuck at the same place you did not want to be, but if you fight it the wrong way, you can end up harming yourself.

The mean voice doesn't lie. It tells you the raw unfiltered truth about yourself, and it knows the truth because it is you. Listen to it, do not repress it, do not fight it but also do not listen to it too much. Every time you will set goals that are supposed to bring you closer to the place you are going, be ready to face the voice when you fail to reach them. Don't prepare excuses, don't lie to yourself, if you failed to reach the goals because of lazyness you alredy know that the voice will call you a lazy fuck. Accept that you are lazy but not necessarily a lazy f word. Then set more goals, but lower the stakes, know your weaknesses and your strengths. Do not wait for new years, or the next month to set more goals, every minute or every second is a new opportunity to change. As a funny example: Last week I knew I would fail my 100 push ups per day quota, and I accidentally hit my head on my door when leaving my room, I said internally "By hitting my head something might have changed in my metabolism, I can now complete my 100 push ups today" and guess what, I completed it, barely 15 minutes before midnight. When I went to bed, the mean voice still called me lazy, told me I am so weak I can't even do 100 push ups in 24 hours. To bargain with the mean voice you have to win, the only way to make it lower it's tone is to win, to reach goals. You give it some reached goals and it will give you a bit of peace, only to come back stronger if you fail to deliver.

Knowing that, my advice stays the same, know your strengths and your weaknesses, know that the road to where you are going is long and not straight, know that you will fail, you will feel like giving up, you will feel defeated. If you can be fine with all these, then your bargain with the mean voice will go well most of the time. In the little story I shared earlier, I failed to reach my workout expectations, but did far better on the reading books part, then when the mean voice came shouting at me, at least I read my books. Do not take this as finding excuses, excuses are bad and you should avoid them at any cost.

If you made it this far then you have my thanks, I hope this little rant can contribute to something good, whatever it might be. Thanks for reading again and be safe out there :) until next time